The God I believe in !!!

'Conscience is a vehicle of Gods presence'

I am not an atheist ,nor am i an ardent devotee. I don't believe in the various religious dogmas and but i do believe in HIM. Some one without an image, all consuming and to whom i can talk to anytime without going to any of the those religious places.

Often i have come across people( most of the times close relatives) with at most love wanting me to escort them to temples,and i reluctant to say No(i know there would be many to join me in this) ,do end up going....Grrrrrrr...There are times when you have to keep up faces because you are expected to behave and answer in a certain way..Gosh !!!When will people realize that others need to be left with their own choices.

What i feel quite weird here is the fact that i don't belong to that school of thought where one believes in going to temples,churches or any such divine abode. That precisely brings me to my next point which is, why do people go to these places???Probably the reason being at the end of the day what one wants is to speak his heart out,introspect about himself and imagine and believe that there is a power or a presence above him who sees him all the time ,a guarding angel for some,a friend for others...and having an idol or a image makes it easier to express.This explains why some people are regular with their visits.But still it kind of hits me when i see/hear folks around me telling that your deeds will be rewarded by Him,or you need to continue with your prayers and one day your prayers will be answered...Come one!!!Do you think that's the way it works???Well if yes then good for you but just that you need to think and look around to see people who have lived a life of sanctity..are all of them having their prayers answered??

But there are definitely (or i suppose )people like me who believe that His answers are in your own conscience. Just that you need to close your eyes and think through and you would get your answers.But sometimes this so called conscience seems all dark and kind of misty..and that's the time you realize it's time to buckle up and analyse whats going wrong....

marital life..2yrs of mixed feelings

Hey new to blogging..come to think of it ..was always interested in words and word plays and was also into diary writing but probably it was the lazy me which kept me back from this.

Tying the Mangalsutra

Got married in 2009 feb 1st...that reminds me that my 2nd wedding anniversary is getting close and have to think of some surprises for my hubby,i like calling him P.

To write about my marriage,it was not one where i was put into a situation where i actually dont know my partner:D,luckily we had 7-8 months of courtship which kind of helped both of us know each other better..but in the present when i think of it i end up realizing that in those courtship dayss u actually try switching the best in you..

Those were days where both of us were completely hooked up with the phone..n luckily that didnt raise the monthly bills because as if a blessing in disguse we got an offer frm reliance where we could make free calls through out..n then well u can imagine..it went on fr like 6-7 hrs a day..Man!!!lucky we were right??Now when i think of it in retrospect those were D blissful dayss of our lives unknow to the ordeal of getting married and the journey after that,like an animal cartered off to slit his throat unaware of what is in store..

Not that i want to sound like one whose against marriages or that i am having any problems in my married life..but just that i guess girls like me who have enjoyed life to the core.. will be having similar feelings...

My parents are both working in reputed companies for the past 30yrs or so..and me and my sister(younger)have been blessed by the grace of GOD to have literally not come across much problems financially as well...to have a maid who would do the entire house cleaning ..so never was there a need of us taking that job..then a mom who is a perfectionist and would not allow us to get into the kitchen..(she had her reasons..u delay my work,dont touch this that")so better it was to not get into her domain..

Also school life left us with no time for such things..still cherish those dayss when we would be off to school by 7.15 in the morning and back by 1.45 or 2.thereafter tuitions or a small nap...cycling through the colony in the evenings..it was awesome!!!

From there on i spent my next 7yrs in hostel..completing my education and all.. so again was used to the ringing bells in the mess indicating it was time for the meal..after all this at last i got engaged...the next 7-8 months were with my parents cos my mom wanted me to gain weight before marriage ....i was more than happy because i knew these were the days which i get as a free bird without worrying about your husbad or inlaws ...this was my WORLD

When i got married after this ,we had our honeymoon in munnar..a beautiful place for a first timer.then two weeks after that we both came to hyderabad.yup thats the place wher my husband was working..initial weeks went in buying stuffs for the kitchen..and i didnt even know what all i needed :P..that was as if i was put in the middle of a sea and then told to swim my way out...Grrrrrrrrrrr...For the first couple of dayss we had our luncheon at P's relatives place..but then after it was my experimentations which found a way into his stomach..
and least to say...i was pathetic...the masala combinations were not gelling properly,i mean i felt like pulling my hair out..God!!!
And it was even pathetic to see P waiting eagerly to eat and then getting to eat these..i mean i felt miserable..n to worsen situations i had a maid who was like the most irregular person on earth..

In between i got a job..so was working and came back home by around5.

Sumtimes when the maid didnt land up and to see all the dishes waiting to be cleaned...i felt like Ghosh!!!!!is this what is good about marriage and sumtimes i ended up asking HIM...Why Me?????This was the worst part about getting married that u have to look after yourself..after being treated like a doll for years you now have to look after yourself aswell as your hubby,who will literally call you for everything..

But sumtimes in between those days we did have our share of enjoyments..a weekend outing,movies,eating out,going for holidays..and after those i felt like running from my duties..
Its also to do with a bit of a perfectionist in me(like my mom)which wants things to be tidy..

Now after so many months when i think of those dayss..i feel happy n proud that i could deal with them..even my parents wen they made a visit to our place were surprised to see how i keep my house clean and all..my mom i herd told her sister about what she expected it would be and what it turned out to be..
Even in terms of cooking i have improved a Lottt....though still in the learning process..

I just dont understand how come we find women who like that part of work...

But nevertheless.....its been a roller coaster ride so far...with God's grace..and hope the same in the years to come..